Professor Green posting about the effects of parental absence.

It’s probably off that my first blog post be about a music artist making a Facebook post about parental absence, but here it is, my first post. I felt like I had to rush to get this out there, never to forget that this happens to so many children, we just expect ‘famous’ people to generally be fine.

At 20:36hrs on December 20th 2025, he wrote…

“I feel strongly about regular contact.

Partly because of my own memories of absence and what that felt like, but also because I’ve taken the time to educate myself through reading, through listening, and through being attuned to our son.

Since things changed, Slimane has been repeating ‘I love you’ a lot.

I don’t think it’s just him being cute, nor is this me over-intellectualising, it’s more than likely a tool for regulation.

i took a dive into how a childs innate egocentrism combined with absence of a parent might effect a child:

‘When a child misses an absent parent, their innate infantile egocentrism (inability to see other perspectives) blends with developmental challenges, leading them to often personalise the absence, feeling it’s their fault or that the world revolves around their pain, manifesting as intense separation anxiety, extreme self-consciousness, withdrawal, seeking attention (positive – the repeated ‘i love you’s’? or negative), or even developing trust/attachment issues, setting groundwork for potential adult issues and relationship difficulties if unaddressed’

There’s nothing mild about the impact of absence, there are situations where its unavoidable, but where it isn’t, it should absolutely be avoided.

When my son repeatedly says ‘I love you’, he’s very likely asking ‘Do you still love me?’

‘Do you still hold me in mind?’

‘Am I safe?’

It saddens me that there are parents who impose absence rather than nurture connection (where its safe to and the other parent shows up).

Strangely, I’m grateful for having suffered this as a child, it means i wouldn’t see it repeated.

I know what absence does, and I know what inconsistency feels like in a small body.

Parents: don’t choose arrangements that serve your regulation over your child’s attachment needs.

That’s how cycles repeat.

It comes at a cost.

And the kids always foot the bill, until one day they’re adults, having to undo the work you didn’t do, because you didn’t… do it. Would love to hear a psychologists take on this!”

Here is the link to his post: https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=1434143281408831&set=a.295104918646012

Below was the most liked comment of the post, with 259 likes and loves.

“As an early years professional and single Mum, my now 6 year old has full control over how contact with her dad (who she loves dearly) goes. She is primarily with me and the arrangement is every second weekend, however, she has control over additional nights, FaceTimes (which happen most evenings), and extended stays during school holidays. We’ve had times where she’s decided she doesn’t want to stay with Dad, and times she is with Dad and stays for additional nights – we have found that she is happiest when she gets to decide. Before when we had a more structured set up which we decided without her input, she was anxious, and worried. Now that we allow her to decide, she actually spends more time with her Dad than she has before and feels less sadness around splitting her time. She vocalised from early on how she never felt happy because when she was with me, she missed dad and when she was with her dad, she missed me. This is obviously very upsetting for me as a parent, but it hurt me deeply that she felt this way and vocalised it so well at age 4, at the time the relationship wasn’t in a place where we could come together so she could have all of us together at the same time. Thankfully things have improved and we have been able to do this – which has only been to her benefit. My professional and personal advice is, let the child lead as much as possible, they are central to all of this & when possible do things as a family. Regardless of relationship status, you & your ex are your child’s family. This doesn’t have to be every week but when it counts. Even if it means having a McDonald’s together as a trio before one of you takes your little boy for the weekend or whatever your arrangement looks like – these moments are so special to your child, and they cost us absolutely nothing.

Also, repeating a question, I used to get “do you love me” – which she knows I do as I’m a clingy mumma  sometimes the “of course I do” or “yes” gives a dopamine hit (we both have ADHD) – so I reframed it (upon the advice of a psychologist) to say “what do you think” and it worked, also creating internal validation rather than external. These situations are complex & ultimately we all mess up at some point but once you show up, and give 110% your child will grow up knowing they were loved & valued, being able to put any differences aside for “family time” is important at this age so they know their identity, that sense of self is very important in the early years! – my views are completely my own & always open to other views and opinions, never forcing my stance on others “

I wonder if the repeated question “do you love me” was down to the insecurity of her Father leaving albeit the child gets the time she wants with Dad, but it still might feel as if he left her. I might be wrong, but if this is the case, then imagine the thoughts going through a child’s mind that hasn’t seen their Dad in weeks, months or even years. The insecurity and sense of rejection. Would they end up more of a people pleaser when they’re older? I don’t know, but plenty of research is clear that there is a higher chance of depression and suicidal thoughts for children that do not have their Dad in their lives. It may be true the other way around too, but my research on this has been for my own personal circumstances where Dad has been abducted from the child’s life, displaced or alienated.

Raiden, Reggie. I love you massive big boys.